Stans Palace?

Museum Musings

The Kaipara and Whangarei districts might be close neighbours, but in some respects they are worlds apart. In my view, this can be seen most clearly in the way run their museums and how successful they are.

You would think that the Whangarei District Council, with much more income from rates, would have the best of everything. Sure enough, they do have a very fine library and some amazing parks and beaches, but when it comes to museums, the tables are turned and the Kaipara District wins hands down.

Kaipara museums are self funded and cost the ratepayer very little. The Whangarei museums, on the other hand, have been receiving bucket loads of rate payer funds and yet only manage to attract a tiny fraction of the huge amount of tourist traffic passing thru’ the city. Even locals don’t seem visit them often, so I find myself asking - what has gone wrong?

The most obvious reason appears to be their buildings and locations. The ‘Museum & Kiwi House’ (ex “Regional Museum”) occupies a leaky building on State Highway Fourteen, and well away from the CBD and tourist rich State Highway One. The Clapham’s Clock Museum is crammed into a small space that it shares with an information centre. It is struggling to utilise its potential by being away from the CBD and SH1. The Art Museum is also in an isolated situation and housed in an inappropriate building that is hard to access if you travel by a tourist bus. Being located in the shade of a large office block does not help its cause either.

I recently had the chance to discuss the plight of Whangarei’s museums with the mayor, Stan Semenof and Mark Simpson (CEO), in the mayor’s office at Forum North. I had some suggestions of my own that might help, but they made it quite clear that the conversion of the old Regional Council building (at the Town Basin) into a Hundertwasser inspired Art Museum would be the master stroke to get value from ratepayer funding of museums.

They showed very little interest in anything else and I can now see why their efforts and those made by the other Whangarei museums, are failing to get ASB Trust or Government support for their projects. To put it bluntly, the residents of Whangarei are failing to get their act together as a community to preserve and present to the world, their own cultural and material heritage.

The Kaipara museums obviously do not have this problem and it seems to me that this illustrates very clearly the old city and country differences that have been with us ever since the dawn of civilisation. It all boils down to a matter of quite different attitudes held on each side of the divide.

In the country, people learn to help one another out because they know that it is the mutual arrangement needed when community resources are few and stretched over a wide area. In urban areas, most residents learn to often expect someone else to help out – after all, “isn’t that what taxes and rates are all about,” I hear them say. Indeed they are, but as you can see, without strong and united community support, a lot of money can be wasted by bureaucrats.

Judging from the recent headlines in The Northern Advocate about sewerage being dumped in the harbour, Mayor Semenof has more urgent matters to attend to these days. Before he died, Hundertwasser designed a waste disposal plant in Austria that ran on its own energy. Perhaps one of his inspired designs could be used in a new sewage treatment plant here.

If Kawakawa can attract tourists to visit a Hundertwasser toilet, just imagine what an impact a monumental ‘Hundertwasser Toilet’ for the whole of Whangarei would have. In times when the council is not so flush with funds, this idea might be right on the button!

A Matter of Fat

A Matter Of Fat

Food seems to be on my mind lately and I was interested to hear on the news that the Japanese Government is planning to penalize people they classify as being dangerously overweight. In order to stem the rise in heart attacks, they are going to employ obesity wardens to spot check people on the street and issue fines for those exceeding the officially healthy height to weight ratios.

I wonder if the idea will catch on here? If it does, then I know of one small town, I visited recently, where the residents had better head for the hills.

Kaiaua is situated on the coastal route out of Auckland on the way to Thames and it proudly boasts to be the best place to buy fish and chips in New Zealand. Now, I cannot claim to be a skilled judge in deciding which greasies are best, but on the day I visited the Kaiaua Fish and Chip Shop, it was overflowing with enthusiastic customers.

While I stood in the queue, I had time to take a look around the place. I soon found myself becoming very self-conscious about my appearance, because I noticed that I was the only letter “I” in a paragraph of “O”s. At almost every table, were some of the fattest people I have ever seen. The shop was packed with families and couples ploughing thru’ mountains of chips, hamburgers and battered fish. Even the kids were bursting at the seams and looked like mini versions of their corpulent parents.

To avoid staring at them too much I gazed out of the front window at the view. By the beach, I could see some contractors standing around their vehicles having a smoko and all of them were portly to say the least. The sign attached to one of their trucks appropriately read… “Oversize”.

After my meal, I went next door to the Bay View Hotel for a game of snooker and a beer – sure enough, the majority of the crowd were just the same. There were, thankfully, a few more of my build (which is on the slim side) to make me seem less obvious. Everyone appeared to be enjoying themselves as they swayed and danced with the music and I began to wonder why I was so concerned about a diet that experts say is such a health hazard.

I have often heard Auckland described as the “Polynesian Capital of the World” and I think many other Kiwis might be picking up some of the lifestyle too. In a traditional Polynesian society being XXOS was very acceptable because it indicated you had risen high enough to be able to avoid physical labour.

Today, we have machines to do much of the hard work and so, in a way, we can now all be aristocrats. If people use their physique to celebrate this, then unfortunately, I am going to be always in amongst the disadvantaged – no matter how much I eat, I will never get near the ‘Pacific Norm’ in body shape.

Somehow I will have to accept gracefully my newly undersized position of being at the bottom of the ‘peckish order’ or get a stomach enlarging operation of some sort so I can look like Gerry Brownlie or the Hon. Parekura Horomia.

Then again, as this is an election year, it might more prudent to hold off until we see who wins. If the economic situation worsens internationally, lean and mean could well be fashionable again.

I can imagine people like parking wardens would jump at the chance to take part in the battle of the bulge. I can see them leaping out, Japanese style from behind cars and dishing out instant fines for being over the limit. Come to think of it, I have got the build for a job like that, but I think it would be too stressful punching tickets above my weight.

Uneasy Pickings

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Feeding Bad Habits

Feeding Bad Habits

You might have noticed that he news is getting serious again, now that Winston Peters has ceased appearing in the headlines. The worried faces of world leaders say it all. The credit crisis can no longer be ignored and governments are trying to prevent us all from being splattered with deregulated banking effluent.

Are we really going to see the end of the golden weather of excessive consumption and have to brace ourselves for the chilly winds of austerity? When I think about that prospect, I can see many of us behaving like that desperate little character called Scrat in the animated film “Ice Age”.

Just like him, we might be forced to try and out run the avalanche of ice before it buries us and our precious acorns - (savings) in an icy tomb. I hope I will have more luck than he did!

The dreaded “D” word is being used more often these days and so I have been re-reading a book I bought from the discarded book pile at the library some time ago. It was written in the nineteen seventies by the economist W. Rosenberg, who gave it the title, “What every New Zealander should know about THE COMING DEPRESSION and how to overcome it.”

He predicted the economic meltdown we are experiencing and suggests that one of the ways out of it could be to implement the ideals of Democratic Socialism. This means that governments will need to nationalise failing businesses and increase worker participation in shareholding equity and management.

This scenario reminded me of a story about two landless peasants in Chile who are discussing the election victory of the new democratic socialist government led by Salvador Allende. Pedro says to Miguel, “Hey Miguel, my old friend. In a truly socialist country we will at last share the wealth of the land – is that right?” “Si, that is so Pedro.” Miguel replies. “Does that mean we will share all the land?” Asks Pedro. “Si Pedro, that is so,” says Miguel. Pedro continues on with, “All the cows and sheep?” “Si, Pedro.” “All the chickens?” Miguel pauses for a moment and then turns angrily to point an accusing finger at Pedro and says, “You know I have chickens! The only way you will get your thieving hands on them is over my dead body!”

In my lifetime, I have seen two economic theories fail. First to go was Communism and now we are experiencing the failure of Monetarism.

It seems to me that Communism was a great idea, but it ignored the need for most people to own things and control most of their own economic activities. It also lets tyrants get into power and exploit the people for their own advantage.

Monetarism also appears to be too idealistic, because it believes that people will make the right economic decisions if there is minimal regulation and the least amount of government interference in their lives. I think it is failing, because it allows some people to ruthlessly exploit the system to the point of social break down.

If governments followed monetarist principles, then in the present situation, the banks would be left to collapse and we might have to fall back to bartering as a way of exchanging goods and services.

Rosenberg published his book almost exactly thirty years ago, when we had much more government involvement in our local economy and we were more prosperous in comparison to other economies. If he was alive today, then I am sure he would suggest that we might have to restore that involvement to remain economically and socially stable.

However, as our banks are now mainly Australian owned I wonder if the next government will buy into them or bankroll their opportunist foreign lending by issuing bonds and government guarantees. Either way, Labour or National are hopefully going to employ an “ism” that works – pragmatism

Fridge Messages

FRIDGE MESSAGES

I know summer has arrived when I enjoy the pleasant sensation of cool air wafting down over my toes every time I open the fridge door. Apart from storing the usual culinary necessities, my fridge also acts as a message board, with notes tucked under plastic animals and holiday souvenirs.

One of the messages says, “Your brain simply believes what you tell it most, and what you tell it about you, it will create.” I had not thought about the possibility of my brain being separate from me before and it sounded implausible. However, I changed my mind when Norman, an old school friend from Wellington, came to visit me a few years ago.

Norman was never, what most people would consider “normal”. When I look back I can see it was like having Mr. Bean as a friend. In fact he even looked like Mr. Bean. He stuttered terribly at times but this disappeared completely when he was on stage doing a comic routine, which usually brought the house down with laughter. His Speech Therapist tried in vain to help him and gave him a roasting once for being late. He had the best possible excuse when he replied. “I was at the speech comp-p-petion and I came ss-second!”

I can blame Norman for my interest in cartooning. I used to watch in awe as he drew pictures almost as good as Mad magazine’s Mort Drucker when all I could manage was something similar to Peanuts. These days he makes a living out of playing piano and sketching cartoon portraits at bars and pubs. He tops this up with a benefit, which is assessed once a year (hence the above cartoon) and helps him when he is unwell.

As we sat on the verander reminiscing about our school days, he let on that he ounce got a job in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings. He said you can see him in the movie disguised as an Orc and he revealed some details of how they enabled him to put some realism into the agonized behaviour featured in some scenes. Apparently, it was not a job for the incontinent. Norman was put into a rubber costume and had to wait several hours before his scene was shot. He had no way to relieve himself and he thought that he was going to burst. “In this Orc- ward situation it was a case of mind over bladder” (he loves puns) and this gave the battle scenes an extra edge.

In the world of artists and craftspeople it is common to find people like Norman treading the boundary between the land we like to call Sanity and the Great Unknown. Ever since I met him forty years ago I can never predict what he will say or do next. Just before he left he made some remarks about that note on my fridge. After he read it he said, “You know, I have no trouble talking to my brain - it’s when it talks back I get worried”.

On the Crest Of A Wave

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Matariki / Solstice

Matariki and Winter Solstice

While I was writing this article, the sun dropped to its lowest position in the sky and began to stay a little longer each day. Something deep within me says that we should be celebrating this event in some way, just as my ancestors must have done like the Russian performers in the above cartoon.

Many Kiwis feel a similar need and are increasingly celebrating Matariki at this time of the year by taking the opportunity to participate in cultural activities and to think about the year to come. Maori culture is rooted to the earth of this country and I am glad it reminds us about the place we actually live in and how the stars reveal a useful way to track time and the rhythms of Nature.

A few years ago, I used to fire up a Winter Solstice bonfire every winter and invite friends over for a mug of mulled wine, music and fireworks. One year it grew into a larger musical event and local farmers cooked a hogget on a spit over embers from the bonfire. The meat had been hung for a couple of days and it was so tender and full of smokey flavours, that it was hard to believe we were eating mutton.

I have often wondered why this sort of celebration was not more common here. One possible explanation could come from the fact that many New Zealand immigrants came from industrial societies where people were cut off from the land and encouraged to work night and day to buy things thought necessary for a better life. There was little time for much else, apart from holidays (holy days) like Sundays, Easter and Christmas that were jealously guarded by the Church. Another factor might also be our protestant churches taking a dim view of any activity that might be seen as ‘pagan’.

At one stage, I got very interested in Easter as well and when my daughters were young I took them out one Easter Saturday for some ‘Pace Egging’. This is a very old English custom that, even today, still sees musicians and singers going from door to door performing in exchange for Easter eggs and beer (in some areas Pace Egging includes a kind of bowls using decorated eggs which is also fun to do).

I rang around my friends and people I knew, to arrange for beer and eggs to be ready at each stop. My eldest daughter thought this was very embarrassing. No way was she going to dress up and do such a “stink” thing. But she came along anyway at the last minute.

After a few visits, her eyes lit up at the sight of all the easter eggs the other children were getting and soon joined in. We finished the pre-arranged visits and she got so enthusiastic she begged me to keep going. I agreed to do one more and so we visited Jeanette, a recently widowed farmer, whom I thought could do with some cheering up.

Jeanette was certainly surprised to see us and invited us in to meet some guests from Chile who were on a study tour looking at local dairy farms. We did our thing and the Chilean farmers jumped up shouting something like “Bueno, estupendo! Their interpreter came over and said, “Back in Chile We do just the same sort of celebrations every year - I didn’t know you Kiwis did such things!”

“Neither did I!” replied Jeanette looking very puzzled, “We don’t normally.” Perhaps it is time we did – to make the seasons mean something and get to know our neighbours a little better instead of pushing the ‘On Button’ to enter the electronic world of the computer and TV.